Monday, November 20, 2017

The Beauty In Our Differences

A Tiny Pirate - The Beauty In Our DifferencesWhen I first arrived in England I lived in a place called Luton, and
became friends with a boy called Kym who was my very first British
playmate. We'd hang out together not speaking each other's language
but somehow we were still able to communicate. I developed my first
major crush on him, and one day as he held my hand crossing the road to the park I tried to kiss him. He punched me, as it turns out he was actually a very tall girl.



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A homely nomad

A Tiny Pirate In The CaribbeanI'm sitting in an airport lounge waiting for a flight to take me from Bogota to London. Melancholy is threatening to be my travel companion, but instead I'm trying to make him disappear via the words I'm writing to you now.

And the reason for my sadness is the fact that once again I'm leaving something I love so much. I'm sure most of us have felt like this at some point, however all of this is entirely of my own making, which negates the need for sympathy. You can all put your violins away. I keep repeating the same processes and seem surprised when I get the same results. If you look for the definition of “village idiot” in the dictionary it has a photo of my confused and goofy face next to it.

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Cabin Fever!

Tiny Pirate Lifestyle Cabarete Claudia Batchelor blog storiesJack had been in London long enough to know that it was time to leave. He had run the gamut of starvation, degradation, slum landlords and nefarious drinking rooms to have amassed enough information to plot his next adventure. And that adventure was to be at sea. Approaching the Devil’s Tavern, this most disreputable haunt of robbers, smugglers, ruffians, cut-throats and all of the capital’s detritus, Jack hugged his worn coat tight against his malnourished body, hoping to ward off the cold and other evils.The dense fog dispersed as he clipped by on the damp cobbled streets. His march was only broken by the haggard old wench, screeching out from her malodorous doorway.

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Fake it til you make it

DJI’ve forged my ID to get into clubs when I was under age, lied on my CV, pretended I had qualifications I didn’t even know how to pronounce and faked orgasms for a number of (justified at the time) reasons. Mostly because I didn’t want to hurt that person’s feelings, or because I was unhappy, or because I didn’t know what I was doing, or just because I was tired. Or bored. Or both. I’m sure that has worked both ways too! **





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Tour Tales

A Tiny Pirate In The Caribbean audienceThe teeth-rattling, vicious thump behind his eyeballs acted both as an unwelcome wake- up call and a reminder of the previous night's over- indulgence. Sadist marines were stomp-marching in his head whilst screaming orders, which ultimately equated with death. His body was dying. His brain was not too far behind. As for his soul...he had no energy to even give a crap.


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When London and Ibiza came to POP

19. Tiny Pirate in the Caribbean FountainFew things give me more pleasure than hearing the sweet-as-molasses richness of a London accent, specially when I'm far away from there. So it gave me happy goosebumps to hear this distinct lilt en masse when a whole tribe of them descended on Puerto Plata's Lifestyle Resort courtesy of the GROOVEFEST event.

Now in its third year, Groovefest has been bringing a mostly Britisher crowd to the North Coast in order to party like rock stars, in a set up not too dissimilar from what you would expect on Ibizencan shores.
An on- point line up of white-hot international DJs performed to a music savvy crowd under the Caribbean sun, and in some instances, we danced with wild abandon whilst being soaked by fierce torrential rain. Sexy. 

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Desperate acts of Delightful Delinquency

BurlesqueI started my criminal career aged 5, when my brother and I set up a short lived but profitable business in the boy’s toilets. We made a sign, the imaginatively catchy “beso a peso” which means “a kiss for a peso” and which sadly does not have the same poetic ring in English as it does in Spanish. But I digress. My brother lined up the boys and was the general pimp/bouncer, as I took the money and kissed the sweaty little urchins in a very early incarnation of a hussler/tramp. But don’t judge- a girl’s gotta eat!!

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Dressing Up To Get Down

A Tiny Pirate dressing up! - Lifestyle CabareteClothes have always been a very important part of my life and have taught me many things, including how totally humiliating it can be to be inappropriately dressed (or undressed!) in front of others. Unless - like Rhett Butler - you learn the art of “not giving a damn.”

 

 

 

 

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